


Future Days

by mira_blue



Series: The Songs We Carry [1]
Category: The Last of Us, The Last of Us 2 - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Developing Friendships, F/F, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 08:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24966655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mira_blue/pseuds/mira_blue
Summary: The calm before the storm. The first year in Jackson - Ellie and Joel settling in, becoming a part of the community, meeting new people and learning new truths about themselves and each other.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie/Kat (The Last of Us)
Series: The Songs We Carry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808317
Comments: 41
Kudos: 95





	1. Jackson

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written anything in years but the last of us 2 was so disappointing it gave me the motivation i needed

Ellie doesn’t remember much from the first day.

It was all a blur. Only a few moments stood out; her conversation with Joel just before they reached the gates of Jackson, Tommy looking relieved but filled with questions, leading her and Joel into a large building that seemed to serve as some sort of storage facility. There, they sat around a large table. Maria had given her a bar of chocolate (Ellie couldn’t believe that such delicacies still existed, much less that she had a whole one to herself) while Joel told them the same thing he told her.

The Fireflies had dozens who were immune now. They were in no need of her. In fact, they’d told him to avoid staying because they didn’t want to stretch their resources too thin. So he left. And here they were.

Tommy stayed silent for a few beats, digesting the story. Finally he said. “So all that travelling you two did…was for nothing?”

Joel shrugged. “Not really. We made it back here, and at least now we know the truth. We don’t got to travel anymore.”

Ellie twisted the wrapper in her hands. _For nothing_. Almost a whole year of travelling, of almost dying and being terrified and witnessing _others_ die. She didn’t care how Joel saw it. It really was for nothing. Her life, her immunity, meant nothing.

Tommy didn’t look convinced either, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he stood up and gave them a small smile. “Well, I guess that’s that. I’m glad you’re both here. There’s always a place in Jackson for you, and I reckon you’ll appreciate the simple life after all that running you’ve been doing.”

Joel let out an amused snort. “Yeah, sounds tempting. What do you think, Ellie?” He looked at her.

Ellie tried to force down her resentment. She shouldn’t be mad at Joel. It wasn’t his fault.

She met his eyes. “As long as someone’s feeding me, I’ll be happy.”

And just like that, it was settled. Jackson County would be their new home.


	2. Sandwich

Ellie thought that since she wasn’t living out in the open world on a life-or-death quest to reach the other side of the country anymore, she might get to sleep in.

No such luck.

Sure, the first couple of days after she and Joel moved in, she’d been allowed to rest as much as she wanted. But by the end of the week, she found Joel waking her up at a time in which only the sun should be up.

“ _What_?” she asked groggily. Her first thought was that they had to move. Jackson was on fire. Or it had been invaded by Infected. Or bandits.

Joel, however, didn’t seem to be in a rush. He crossed his arms and said, “You’ve gotten enough sleep, and Tommy’s been nice enough to allow us to slack off until now. But Jackson is a community where everyone pulls their own weight. It’s time we do so.”

Ellie looked up at him from underneath her blanket. Now that she understood that they were in no imminent danger, her body was trying to fall back asleep. “What, you want me to help build houses?”

Joel didn’t smile, but he seemed to find the idea funny. “No. I believe giving you a hammer would be unwise. I’m pretty sure there’s something else you can help with.”

“Can we pull our weight tomorrow? I was having this really cool dream.”

Joel shook his head. “Ellie. C’mon. Get dressed and meet me downstairs. We’re going to meet Tommy in the Big House.”

With that, he turned and left. Ellie debated falling back asleep, but eventually decided against it. She got up – not without a lack of complaining. By the time she’d gotten ready, she felt more awake.

As she trotted down the stairs, she thought about how it felt odd to have a house. The people of Jackson were currently focused on building as many houses as they could, with proper electricity and running water. There still weren’t that many houses, but Tommy had pulled a few strings and found a nice place for her and Joel.

At first, she didn’t really know how exactly she should navigate it. Was all this space really just for two people? And was a small part of this space really just for her? As it turned out, yes. Despite the strangeness of this concept, Ellie loved it. She’d already felt comfortable enough to spread her few precious belongings around her room.

Except for her switchblade. That stayed with her.

Joel was in the kitchen. When he saw her, he gave her a sandwich. She wasted no time in opening and devouring it.

“You know that we probably won’t run out of food if we stay in Jackson, right?” he asked.

Ellie couldn’t answer due to the huge bite she was busy chewing, but she hoped her face conveyed her reply of “ _yes but I don’t care I will consume whatever comes my way_ ”.

Joel avoided confirming if he understood her. He opened the door and led the way to the Big House.


	3. Big House

The Big House didn’t have a very creative name. It was, however, big.

It was the same building that Tommy took them to on their first day. Apparently, it had unofficially been decided that important decisions and news were made and shared there. It was also where spare resources were kept.

As promised, Tommy was waiting for them. He nodded in their direction when they came in.

“Joel. Hello, Ellie. Help yourself.” He pointed to a basket filled with red apples. Ellie, true to her promise of consuming everything, grabbed one.

Joel didn’t. “So, Tommy. Got a list of chores for me and kiddo?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” Tommy slipped out a small black notebook from the inside of his jacket. “Joel, you can help with the house building on the north side of Jackson. They could use an extra pair of hands.”

Joel looked at Tommy, a little incredulous. “Can you believe it? All these years, and it’s back to being a carpenter.”

Ellie raised her eyebrows. “You were a _carpenter_?”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, him and I both. But that was another life.” He flipped through his notebook. “Anyways. Ellie, you won’t be building houses, but there is something for you. You like horses, don’t you?”

Ellie nodded.

“Alright. I’ll take you to the stables. A friend of mine – Oliver – he tends to the horses. You can give him a hand, speed things up. Afterwards, he’ll show you where we grow our fruits and vegetables. We’re trying to build greenhouses. There are a few kids your age who help with that, so maybe you’ll make a few friends.”

The prospect of making new friends didn’t excite Ellie as much as the horses did. If it was up to her, she’d spend all day with them instead. Still, she wasn’t going to be a pain in the ass. Maybe it was time for her to try and settle somewhere without being labelled as the troublemaker. Jackson was a new chance, a new…home.

“Okay,” she said, trying to keep the sarcasm to a minimum, “I’m ready to pull my weight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is more of a personal project, but if you're interested keep in mind 1) it's going to be long and start out slow 2) it will go in a completely different direction than the one in TLOU2 3) thanks for reading


	4. Jesse

Taking care of the horses was – as expected – awesome.

Oliver was a tall, friendly guy who seemed to be in his early twenties. He greeted Tommy enthusiastically and shook Ellie’s hand when she was introduced. The idea of having a fourteen-almost-fifteen year old help him around didn’t appear to bother him.

There were around two dozen horses in total. Ellie found them all beautiful, but a particular one with a gorgeous brown coat had caught her eye.

“That’s Shimmer,” Oliver had told her. “She’s five years old. Loves being spoiled.”

Ellie had made sure to give Shimmer a little extra attention.

It wasn’t all just petting horses and feeding them treats – they had to replace hay, provide clean water, and clean the stables while the horses grazed in a small, enclosed area. In total, it took almost three hours. By the end of it, Ellie was exhausted. But her list of chores wasn’t over.

“Well,” Oliver dusted his hands, “we’re done here. Guess it’s time for you to head to the greenhouses.”

Ellie hesitated. “You sure there isn’t anything else I can do around here?”

“Nah. You did such a good job with everything, nothing’s left.” He grinned. “We _do_ take the horses out for a walk later on, though. Maybe once you’re free…and if we can get permission from Tommy and have someone accompany you…?”

She grinned back. She _was_ going to ride a horse today.

The offer made her eager to go and get her planting duty done with. Oliver led her to a place on the other side of the stables, and the smell of soil and fertilizer hit her before she even saw it.

Spread out across a huge part of the land were several patches of different plants, which were divided by type. Around each patch, the beginnings of what Ellie assumed were supposed to be the greenhouses were being built. There were more people here – mostly women and men, but there were a few teenagers who might’ve been around her age.

Oliver patted her shoulder. “You were great at making friends with the horses, but now you’ve got a chance to make actual human friends!”

Ellie resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Oliver meant well, but she was still so new to Jackson. Everyone seemed to have already adapted to living with so many others, while she had barely left the house for any reason other than lunch. Besides, after everything that had happened in the last year, she felt on edge most of the time.

She tried to ignore her worries, and continued following Oliver, who was heading towards a woman around his age. Despite the smile that she gave them, she didn’t seem completely relaxed. She had dark circles under her eyes, which kept glancing around.

Apparently Ellie wasn’t the only one on edge.

“Hello, Oliver.” The woman said. “And you are?” She looked at Ellie expectantly.

“Uh, Ellie.”

“Ellie’s here to help with the greenhouses.” Oliver kept his tone soft, as if worried the woman might run off if he raised his voice. “Ellie, this is Talia.”

Talia nodded. “Okay. I’ll take it from here and show her around. Thanks, Oliver.”

Oliver saluted, patted Ellie’s shoulder one last time, and jogged back in the direction of the stables.

Unlike him, Talia didn’t seem entirely sure of what to do with Ellie. She told her to follow and began walking towards one of the vegetable patches.

Talia attempted small talk. “So. You’re new to Jackson?”

“Yeah. We – me and…this guy, Joel – came here before, last fall. But we didn’t stay long. This time we’re staying, I guess. Nothing else to do.”

“Well, you’re in Jackson now. Plenty to do to stay distracted.”

Ellie wondered what Talia was distracting herself from. Before she could decide whether or not she should ask, Talia was giving her something that looked like a broom, except it had a heavy, broad blade at the end of it.

“That, Ellie, is a hoe.”

Ellie laughed. “ _Seriously_? A hoe? I’m holding a hoe?”

Talia rolled her eyes, but her smile felt more genuine now. “Yes. That’s a hoe. And it’s used to dig trenches in the ground so we can plant seeds in them. So, if you can just start digging over there,” she pointed to an empty patch, “I’ll send someone with the seeds.”

It sounded like a boring job, especially after the horses, but Ellie avoided complaining. She nodded and made her way to the empty patch. Talia stayed with her for a while longer, making sure Ellie understood how to handle a hoe ( _Handle a hoe_ , Ellie thought. _That’s pretty funny_ ). Once she was satisfied, she left Ellie alone.

Ellie wasn’t alone for long. Soon enough, Talia was headed back, this time with a boy holding a bag of seeds. He couldn’t have been older than sixteen, with long hair falling into his eyes and sharp features.

“Ellie, this is Jesse. Jesse, Ellie. You’re going to be planting carrots together.”

With that, Talia walked away.

Ellie and Jesse regarded each other. Ellie was glad _she_ was the one with the hoe. She hoped it made her look intimidating _._

“Shall we start, then?” she gestured to the ground. Then, without waiting for an answer, she resumed digging trenches.

They worked in silence for the count of a few minutes. Jesse must’ve not been a fan of the silence, because he broke it.

“You’re, uh, good at doing that. Digging.”

Ellie looked up at him. “Bet that’ll be real useful when it comes to killing the Infected.”

To her surprise, Jesse smiled. “Yeah. You could plant them.”

“That’d be wonderful. I’ve always wanted a little Infected farm.”

The thought of having a farm where Infected grew like carrots was so absurd they both started laughing. Ellie felt the tension melt away. She decided to continue the conversation as they worked. “How’d you end up in Jackson, anyway?”

“My dad. We used to live in the Quarantine Zone in Dallas. But tensions kept rising. Supplies didn’t. People were becoming more and more aggressive. My dad decided we would leave before everything fell apart. He wanted to find the Fireflies.”

At the mention of Fireflies, Ellie felt her stomach clench. She kept her expression neutral. “I’m guessing you didn’t manage to do that.”

Jesse shrugged. “You’re right. They’ve become pretty evasive these last few years. But by the end of the first week, my dad’s main focus became to just keep my mom and me alive. We kept going north. We were lucky enough to not run into any bandits. Plenty of infected though. Eventually we stumbled into Jackson, pure luck. Got taken in, and the rest is history. What about you?”

Ellie kept her eyes on the ground as she dug. “Long story. But I knew Jackson existed when I came here.”

“All by yourself?”

“No. No, I came with Joel. He’s…”

For the second time that day, Ellie wondered what she should describe Joel as. _My friend? Father figure? Smuggler?_

“He’s…sort of like my guardian, I guess. I’ve been with him since last summer. Tommy’s his brother, actually.”

Jesse seemed impressed. “Seriously? That’s cool.”

“I guess it is.”

They continued planting carrots, with more conversation. By the time the bag was empty, Ellie thought that maybe she had successfully made one friend.

“We should probably go wash up before lunch. See you around?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah, maybe.”

That seemed good enough for him. He turned and walked off.

Ellie decided that she should at least change clothes, considering the mud and other stuff splattered on her. She hoped she remembered the way back to her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've decided to separate the story into two parts. Morning Sun is going to follow events up until that church party. afterwards, the tone of the story is gonna change, but that's still a long way coming. 
> 
> also! talia is dina's sister in-canon but there's barely any information on her. i think she's dead? not really sure


	5. Journal

Lunch in Jackson was one of Ellie’s favourite things.

It took place in a designated area with a bunch of wooden picnic tables. Although seeing so many people in one place had overwhelmed Ellie at first, the amount of food available had more than made up for it. 

She didn’t have to worry about where to sit, either. Usually she had a place with Joel, Tommy, and Maria. Today, though, was the first time she’d shown up to lunch alone, so she wondered if things would be different. Would Jesse see her and invite her to his table?

But when she scanned the space, she saw Joel in their usual spot, waving her over. And as it had been for the last week, the sight of him brought an onslaught of mixed feelings. 

Sure, Ellie was glad to see him, especially because that they hadn’t been apart for this long ever since they’d come to Jackson. She’d been worried he would forget about her, but if she was being honest, the opposite was occurring. He still had his reservations, but he didn’t dismiss her anymore. She could see that he cared about her.

And _she_ cared about him, too. After everything they’ve been through, it was impossible not to. But seeing him was _also_ a reminder of everything they’ve been through. A reminder that they had failed. A reminder of all the questions she still had no answers to.

Right now, however, wasn’t the best time to voice her concerns.

Tommy was already there. So was the food. Once she sat down and grabbed a fistful of jerky, she asked, “Where’s Maria?”

“She and some of the men are checking on the generators. Making sure the electricity runs as smooth as possible.” Tommy cut a carrot in half. “Oliver told me you wanted to take out the horses on a walk?”

Ellie had forgotten about that. “Oh, yeah! Can I?”

“Not by yourself, that’s for sure,” Joel said. “Lucky for you, I volunteered to come along.”

Ellie felt a little surprised. She hadn’t expected Joel to be so okay with it, much less want to come along. “Just me and you?”

“Yup. It’ll be like old times.”

“You mean it’ll be like a week ago?”

“Yeah. Thought we could use a little break. What do you say, kiddo?”

Obviously, Ellie wanted to do it. But now it was more than just about riding a horse. Maybe now she had a chance to talk with Joel. She just wasn’t sure what exactly she wanted to talk about.

“Let’s do it.”

***

Ellie was starting to really like Oliver.

Not only did he keep his promise of getting her to ride a horse, he’d also given her Shimmer.

“I’ve got a feeling the two of you will make quite a team,” he’d told her.

Joel and Ellie got on their respective horses. Joel’s horse was a large, chestnut-coated male called Sammy. The horses needed little coaxing to pick up their pace. Before Ellie knew it, they were outside of Jackson.

They rode in silence at first. Joel seemed to have a specific destination in mind, so Ellie followed him. As Shimmer trotted through the woods surrounding Jackson, Ellie let herself momentarily forget about everything that had been bothering her. She was tempted to increase Shimmer’s speed into a gallop, but – besides the fact that she didn’t know these woods very well yet – she didn’t think Joel would appreciate her running off.

Finally, almost half an hour later, Joel brought them to a stop. They stood on a ledge overlooking a clearing in the woods. There was a small pond to their right. A red fox was drinking from it.

“Pretty, ain’t it?” Joel said.

“Yeah. Cute fox.”

Silence settled around them again. Before she could think of something to say, Joel spoke again, “So, how’re you finding Jackson?”

“It’s nice. Different. Better than a Quarantine Zone.”

“That’s true. Make any friends today?”

“Maybe. There was this guy, Jesse. We planted carrots together. Talked about a bunch of stuff. He said he’d see me around.”

Joel’s expression turned serious – more so than usual. “You didn’t tell him about your immunity, right?”

She scoffed. “Of course I didn’t. Last thing I need is people gawking at me.”

Joel nodded, satisfied. “Good. Don’t you tell anyone about it.”

“I won’t, Joel. I’m not dumb. Although,” Ellie rubbed her arm, which was covered by her jacket’s sleeve, “I keep thinking about how to keep it covered up. What am I supposed to do when the weather gets hot?”

“We’ll figure it out. Like you said, you ain’t dumb.” He patted Sammy’s neck, then reached inside his jacket. “Here, I got you something.”

“You’re full of surprises today.”

That got a smile out of him. He held out a small, black rectangle. When Ellie took it, she realized it was a notebook. The pages inside were all blank.

Joel cleared his throat. “Tommy had a bunch of those lying around. He told me I should take one. I grabbed one for you, too.” He twisted his reins. “Figured maybe you could use it. Write in it. Or draw, I don’t know. Thing is…you’re trying to settle in Jackson, but you still look ready to run. Keeping a journal might help. Also, there’s a calendar at the end of it. You can keep track of the days.”

Ellie flipped it open to the last page. A small black-and-white calendar was there. “Too bad we don’t know what day it is, though.”

“Actually, Tommy told me that we got here April twenty eight. We’ve been here a week, which puts us in the fifth of May.”

“May five?” Ellie looked at the calendar. “Holy shit. My birthday is in less than a month. May twenty third.”

“Well, that’s one thing the journal’s helped you figure out.”

Ellie closed the journal and held it close. “I…Thanks, Joel.” She took a deep breath. It was now or never. “It’s just…it’d be easier if I just understood what the hell happened with the Fireflies.”

Joel’s face darkened, but she went on. “I mean, it doesn’t make any sense. I was unconscious the whole time. Was Marlene there? Why’d they stop looking for a cure? Why’d we leave so quickly?”

She looked at him, but he’d turned his face straight ahead. After a few tense seconds, he spoke, “Ellie…I can’t answer all your questions. I’m just as confused as you are –“

“What if we go back?”

This time, he met her gaze. “Do you hear yourself? Don’t you remember all that happened –?”

 _"I do!"_ Shimmer must’ve sensed her agitation, because she pawed the ground. “I remember all of it, and that’s why I can’t just let it go! My immunity is the reason I’m here and Riley’s not. It’s why Tess –” her voice broke. “Henry. Sam.”

Joel leaned over and grabbed her arm. It wasn’t a painful grip, but it was strong and reassuring. “Ellie. I know you have questions. I know it ain’t fair. But you’re _alive_. You can start over. One page at a time.”

Ellie glanced at the journal she was holding. Then at Joel’s hand holding her arm. Her bitten arm. She took an unsteady breath, then met his eyes again. “Okay.”

He pulled his arm back. “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Not gonna run off to that hospital?”

“No. That was…a stupid idea.”

“Yeah. But it’s alright, kiddo.” He sighed. “C’mon. Let’s go back home.”

He turned Sammy and began to lead the way back. Ellie followed, but not before looking back one more time.

_One page at a time._

Feeling hollowed, she urged Shimmer into a trot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, thanks for the kudos, bookmarks & the comments!! appreciate them
> 
> after this chapter, things will start to pick up pace. also for those of you who think the tension between ellie & joel is over, rest assured that it isn't <3


	6. Dina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if ur part of the may 20 ib batch & ur result was complete bullshit clap ur hands

“You’ve run into _Bloaters_?” Jesse exclaimed.

Ellie was recounting the interesting parts of her travels to Jesse and Kat. The three of them ended up usually working together around Jackson. After being there for more than two weeks, and after her last conversation with Joel about the Fireflies, Ellie had finally started to feel like there was a chance she could settle here.

Jesse and Kat were also great company. Once they had realised that she didn’t really like talking about how she ended up in Jackson, they stopped prodding her about that. Although the two had known each other beforehand, they didn’t make her feel like an outsider. Kat – like Jesse – was a year older than her and a lot more mature, but still had a fun side.

Today, they had spent most of their day doing separate chores – Ellie in the stables, Jesse in the greenhouses, and Kat with the construction. They’d met up afterwards during lunch.

Even though Ellie avoided mentioning the Fireflies, her immunity, and a bunch of other things, she’d decided that talking about the Infected she and Joel had fought wouldn’t cause any harm.

“Yeah, and trust me, you _don’t_ want to do that. They’re, like, huge and throw these disgusting fungus bombs. Once, Joel wasn’t there, and I was fighting these _hordes_ of Infected, and out of _nowhere_ this Bloater just drops in and I had to kill it.”

This time, it was Kat’s turn to exclaim. “No _way_ you managed to kill an entire Bloater by yourself!”

Ellie debated whether she should mention that she wasn’t alone, but rather with a creep cannibalistic maniac who would later capture her and then attempt to murder her. Before she could figure out a way to make _that_ story make sense, they were interrupted by a girl sliding in and sitting next to Ellie.

“Who managed to kill an entire Bloater?”

Ellie recognized the girl, despite not knowing her name. She’d seen her around, never with the same group of people, but fitting in with everybody. She carried herself with a careless confidence that made her hard not to notice.

Jesse seemed caught off guard. Ellie could swear he was…blushing? He cleared his throat and pointed at her, “Uh, Ellie did.”

The girl turned her attention towards Ellie. Her eyes were a warm, dark brown. “An entire Bloater, huh? Impressive. I ran into one, once. Didn’t stop to kill it, though.”

Ellie wondered if the girl was making fun of her. Her tone wasn’t mocking. She seemed to have just accepted that Ellie took down a Bloater.

The girl noticed Ellie staring and grinned. She offered her hand. “My name’s Dina. And you’re…?”

Ellie shook her hand. “Ellie.”

“Ellie. New to town, right?”

“Dina likes to throw around the fact that she’s been in Jackson longer than most.” Kat said.

Dina shrugged. “It isn’t my fault that it tends to come up in conversations. Anyways,” she stood up, “I just wanted to introduce myself to Ellie here. I’d love to hang around, but Talia insisted that I had to help her out with sorting some seeds, and she’ll kill me if I’m late again.”

She looked annoyed with that thought, but bid them all goodbye and left.

Ellie looked after her in confusion. “Why would Talia kill her?” she asked. Sure, Talia was uptight and preferred things to be orderly, but she was also pretty nice and never really got upset with anyone.

Kat laughed. “Talia is Dina’s sister. Dina’s the only person who gets on Talia’s nerves.”

“Huh.” Ellie _could_ see the family resemblance, but Dina acted a lot more outgoing than Talia did. She wondered what their story was. She wondered if she would run into Dina again.

***

A few days later, Ellie got her answer.

She was sitting in what had become one of her favorite spots – under a tree in the field where the horses grazed. Shimmer now recognized her and always trotted up to her to check if Ellie had brought her any treats.

Ellie usually did. She’d also begun to bring the journal Joel had given her. A few pages were already filled with random thoughts and doodles. Right now, she was attempting to sketch the field. She had managed to draw the grass and trees, but couldn’t get the horses right.

She was so focused on the task at hand, she didn’t notice Dina until she was standing next to her.

“Hey. Ellie, right?”

Ellie looked up, startled. “Yeah.”

“You mind if I join you?”

“Uh, no. I don’t mind.”

Dina gave her a small smile and sat down next to her. She saw Ellie’s sketch. “That looks awesome. I can’t draw to save my life.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. I didn’t come here to admire the view, though. I came here to offer you something.”

Ellie raised her eyebrows. “Offer me something?”

“Well, not exactly _something_. More like an adventure. I’ve already convinced Jesse to come along, but I think you’ll have better luck talking Kat into it.”

“Talking Kat into _what_?”

“I overheard one of the patrols talking about this shop they found somewhere to the east. It’s apparently really close, and really cool. So I thought maybe the four of us can go check it out.”

Ellie saw what Dina was offering. “You want us to sneak out?”

“We won’t go far. And we’ll be armed, obviously. You look like you can handle yourself. It’ll be fun. Besides, no one’s reported any Infected for almost a week now. You in, new kid?”

Ellie felt her heart stumble. _New kid_ **.** That was exactly what Riley had called her when they’d first met. And sneaking out…that was something Riley would’ve done too.

Ellie wanted to keep a low profile in Jackson. She didn’t want things to go wrong, didn’t want people putting themselves in danger. She wanted to tell Dina to stay put, that there were things so much worse than the Infected out there.

But looking at Dina, she felt like Dina knew that. Knew all the risks and dangers, and didn’t want to let them hold her back from doing what she wanted. She didn’t need Ellie’s warnings.

So Ellie tested the waters. “Are we going to stumble around blindly, or do you actually know where you’re going?”

Dina smiled. “A _great_ question. I actually do have an idea of where we should go.”

“And _Jesse_ is okay with this?”

“Yeah. Why do you sound so surprised?”

 _Because_ , Ellie thought, _Jesse sticks to rules and instructions like his life depends on it._ Then she remembered the way he’d blushed when Dina was there.

“No reason.”

“Alright. Since I got Jesse, you get Kat. She seems to like you. We’ll head out in an hour, before it gets dark.”

Ellie knew this was dangerous. She _knew_ Joel would be furious. She knew that the last time she sneaked out, she’d lost her best friend to something worse than death

Dina got up and offered her a hand. “Let’s go. Don’t worry about getting in trouble. I’ll take the blame.”

Maybe that would be the worst that’ll happen. Maybe this really would be fun. Maybe she could find new friends and not lose them.

Ellie took Dina’s hand and pulled herself up.

***

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.” Kat muttered.

The four of them had left twenty minutes ago. Dina had managed to grab three guns. She kept one and gave the other to Jesse. Ellie had had her switchblade, so she suggested Kat take the third gun.

“Don’t worry, Kat!” Dina called back; she was in front, leading the way. “We’re almost there.”

Jesse was walking next to Dina, occasionally making her laugh. Ellie and Kat walked behind them.

“You know, Ellie,” Kat said, “if it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have come along. But I couldn’t let you third wheel those two.”

Ellie snorted. “Thanks.”

They walked ahead, passing a few abandoned, wrecked buildings. None of them looked like the place Dina mentioned.

Finally, they saw a shop that was mostly intact. It was small, and whatever it had been called had faded away to an unreadable smudge.

They stepped inside, clicking their flashlights on. Kat looked around for a moment and then gasped.

“What?” Jesse whispered. “What is it? Clickers?”

“No,” Kat said. “But this place – my dad told me about shops like these. He used to work in one. It’s a tattoo shop!”

She seemed excited, but Ellie didn’t understand why. “What’s a tattoo shop?”

Kat began to explain, but got distracted when she saw something on the table next to Ellie.

“No way!” Kat picked up a black, box-like case. “They left a whole _tattoo kit_!” She turned to Dina, grinning. “My dad’s going to love this. This was worth sneaking out for.”

“Really?” Dina asked. Despite the fact that she was the reason they were there, she seemed unimpressed. “I was hoping to find, like, guns or –. “

“ _Be quite_.” Ellie whispered, suddenly. She hoped it was her imagination, that the faint clicking sound she’d heard wasn’t real.

The others looked confused, but stayed silent. Just when Ellie was going to suggest they head back, she heard it again.

_Clickers._

Judging by the expression on her friends’ faces, they’d heard it too. They looked at each other.

It sounded like the Clickers were right around the corner, still out of sight. If they backed out without making any noise, they could get away without alerting them.

Slowly, the group moved as quietly as possible towards the outside. They kept their weapons ready. To Ellie’s relief, they got out without raising any alarms.

Her relief turned to horror when she realized that there was a Clicker standing exactly to the left of them.

It sensed them and screeched. Jesse reacted quickly, shooting it twice, but they could hear more coming from behind the store. 

“ _Run_!” Dina yelled.

She didn’t need to say it twice.

They ran the entire way back, cursing under their breath. Even though they’d lost the Clickers a while back, they only stopped when they saw Jackson. For a few minutes, the only sound was them wheezing and gasping.

Eventually, Ellie got enough breath back to say “ _Fuck_.”

That made Dina laugh. “Yeah. That sums it up.”

Once they’d calmed down enough, they resumed heading back. They had been rattled enough to forget about sneaking back in the same way they got out, instead strolling up to the main gates. The guards called out and the gates opened.

Standing there with her arms crossed, looking like she’d been waiting for them the entire time, was Maria. She didn’t say anything at first, just glared at each of them. Then she declared, “You are all in _so_ much trouble.”

***

Joel was furious.

He was waiting for her on the front porch. He didn’t yell, but his glare was almost as angry as Maria’s.

“And what,” he asked, his voice strained, “were you thinking, Ellie?”

Ellie expected that he’d want a good explanation. Unfortunately, she didn’t have one.

“I thought it’d be fun.”

He gritted his teeth. “Fun.”

“Yeah,” she stood next to him. “Everyone tells me how I should be making friends. Well, I made some, and they thought that this would be fun, too, and…yeah.”

Joel didn’t reply for a few moments. He took a deep breath. “Ellie.”

“Joel.”

“If you pull anything like this again, so help me god –.”

“I won’t, don’t worry. It was just a one-time thing.” Ellie wasn’t lying about that. Yes, looking back on it now, she could find it funny. But she wasn’t eager to run into any more Infected.

Joel stared at her, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he sighed. “I’ll feel better if I know what Maria chose for your punishments.”

“Ugh. We have to wake up at four _in the morning_ for, like, a week. _And_ she banned me from the stables for three days, too! Can you believe that?”

“Yes.” But Joel did seem to look less angry. “Get inside. You’ve had a long day, stressing out everyone in this town.”

***

Later that night, there was a knock at their front door.

Ellie was in her room, so Joel opened the door. Standing there was a girl that looked around Ellie’s age.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Uh, is Ellie here?”

Before Joel could answer, Ellie walked in behind him. “Dina?”

The girl appeared relieved by Ellie’s arrival. “Hey. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Joel closed the door when Dina was inside. He crossed his arms and said, “I’ll be in my room, if you need anything.”

Once they were alone, Ellie tugged Dina’s sleeve. “C’mon, let’s go upstairs.”

“Your house has an upstairs? Cool.”

Ellie led the way to her room. Dina walked in and stood, for once looking out of place.

“Is everything alright?” Ellie asked.

“Yeah, I just…wanted to apologise for getting you in trouble. Especially if that guy you’re living with got angry. He looks scary.”

“Joel? Yeah, he was mad, but don’t worry. He’s probably just glad I’m still in one piece.”

“Okay, good.” Dina wrung her hands together. “I should be leaving, it’s –,” she glanced at Ellie’s Walkman. “What is that?”

Ellie grinned. Despite being banned from the stables and pissing off Joel, she felt happy with the direction the day was taking. She picked up the Walkman. “You wanna listen to some tunes?”


	7. Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! self-harm warning !! burning skin using acid !!

_She was running, running, running. The mall was dark, empty. Except for the thing chasing her. The thing wearing Riley’s face. The thing catching up, reaching out,_ screaming –

***

 _She was falling into a river. The water was ice cold and rushing, trying to push her under. She kicked, half-sobbing with fear. It was pointless. She could feel her lungs filling up, collapsing,_ failing –

***

 _She was all alone. Her arm – the infected one – was burning. She looked at it, and saw the skin shifting, bleeding, and opening. She stood frozen, watching as_ something _broke out, something that looked too much like another person’s arm, too much like_ Sam’s _arm, something that clawed and grabbed at air and grew from_ her own arm –

***

Ellie woke up gasping.

She sat up, pushing her blanket off. Her shirt was soaked with sweat, her chest ached, and her throat felt like it had been sealed off. Her breaths were quick and shallow. She brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, trying to calm down.

After what felt like forever, she felt her heart slow down. Once her breathing evened up, she relaxed, stretching out her legs.

Ellie had been having the occasional nightmare ever since they’d arrived at Jackson. A night with no dreams was a rare thing. Still, none of the nightmares she’d had before had shaken her this badly. None of them have seemed so never ending.

Despite the fact that she was awake, her arm was still burning. She knew that it was just the aftereffects of her dreams and that she wasn’t in any actual pain. But she couldn’t help the surge of disgust and hatred she felt when she looked at her scar. It mocked her, a permanent reminder of every single bad thing she’d ever been through.

Suddenly feeling clammy again, Ellie got up. She glanced at the window. Still dark out. But there was no way she was going back to sleep. Not when the nightmares were waiting.

***

Joel looked over at the foot of the stairs. Ellie should’ve come down by now. When he realized that she wasn’t already up, he’d decided to let her sleep in for a little longer. Yesterday had been the last time she had to get up at four in the morning, so he figured she deserved some more shut-eye. But Ellie had gotten used to waking up early, so he found it a little strange that she was still seemingly asleep.

After waiting for a few more minutes, Joel decided to check on her. He climbed up the stairs and towards her closed door.

“Ellie?”

He knocked. No answer.

“Ellie, c’mon. We’ve got to get going.”

Still nothing.

“Alright,” he declared, “I’m coming in.”

Luckily, the door was unlocked. He stepped in, and immediately realized the reason behind Ellie’s silence. She was sitting in front of her desk, with her back turned to him. Her Walkman lay near her elbow and she had her headphones in. He could hear muffled singing from where he was standing. She was scribbling furiously in her journal, and Joel couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of satisfaction about the fact that she was using something he’d given her so often.

Joel cleared his throat. Ellie didn’t react. He sighed. Praying that she wouldn’t try to stab him, he approached her. As soon as he touched her shoulder, she flinched and whirled around. When she realized that it was just him, she relaxed and took out her headphones.

“Jesus, Joel, you scared me.”

“Well, it’s not like I could’ve gotten your attention otherwise. How long have you been up, anyways?”

Ellie blinked, as if she had just realized what time it was. “I don’t know. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” She rubbed her arm. “I don’t think I want to leave the house today. I don’t feel good.”

She was avoiding his eyes. Joel wondered if she’d gotten her period and was too embarrassed to tell him. Or if it was something else. Whatever it was, he could tell from Ellie’s body language that she didn’t want to elaborate. So instead he asked, “You sure you’re gonna be alright?”

She nodded, fidgeting with the pen in her hand.

“Okay, then.” He stepped back. “If you need anything…come find me. Or Tommy. Or Maria. Or –.”

“I get it, Joel.” Her tone was unusually humorless, but he avoided commenting on that. With one final glance at the girl he’d slaughtered dozens for, he walked out.

***

Ellie glared at her half-complete sketch of overturned skyscrapers. It looked fine, but something about it felt off to Ellie. Or maybe it was just that the entire day had felt off ever since she’d woken up.

She picked up her pen. On the margin of the page, she wrote _wrong way up_.

Closing her journal, she leaned back in her chair and stared at nothing in particular. She hadn’t even been able to eat anything. Her nightmares played in a loop in her head. Every so often, she’d look at her arm. Each time she did, she felt her stomach twist.

She thought back to Joel’s warnings of not letting anyone see the bite. Right now, _she_ wanted to stop seeing it. How could she cover it up? How could she cover it up _permanently_?

She racked her brain for any ideas, but came up with nothing. Maybe she could grab some bandages from the infirmary –.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden realization. _The infirmary_. _Of course_.

A while back, Maria had given Ellie a tour around Jackson. She’d shown her dozens of places, including the infirmary. Even though it was a place meant for healing, they kept a bunch of chemicals stored there. Maria had made the mistake of showing that to Ellie.

 _This stuff’s pretty awful._ Maria had said, picking up a vial with a bright green label. _This one right here could burn you just as badly as sticking your arm into an open flame._

An open flame was too much work, and might attract too much attention. But a small amount of that chemical…

Ellie hesitated. It _could_ work, but was it worth it?

Then she thought of Riley. Of her immunity. Of the nightmares.

With one final glance at the bite that started it all, she resolved to burn.

***

Ellie stuck close to the walls of the infirmary. She’d slipped in without anyone noticing, and she didn’t want that changing anytime soon. Fortunately for her, the infirmary seemed completely empty.

She slipped past beds and boxes containing medical supplies, scanning the room for a particular shelf. It was tucked away in the corner. Once Ellie reached it, she noticed a small sign someone had stuck up beside it, which said _Caution. Keep away._

Ellie decided that she was going to ignore that sign.

She skimmed over the vials and bottles and quickly found the one Maria had shown her weeks ago, its bright green label unmissable. She picked it up, her fingers trembling slightly, and stuffed it into her jacket’s pocket.

Keeping her hand wrapped around the glass, Ellie began to make her way back. Small doubts were beginning to nag her. Shouldn’t she stay in the infirmary, at least? Just in case she couldn’t control the damage?

_And what are you going to say when someone finds you? That you got jumped by a bunch of chemicals?_

No, it was better for her to do it in the privacy of their house. If things got out of hand…well, she’d figure it out.

A few now-familiar faces greeted her, and she distractedly waved back. By the time she’d arrived at the house, though, she was completely alone. She sat on the stairs leading up to the front porch and took out the bottle. There were plenty of warnings written on it.

Steeling herself, she set the vial down and slipped off her jacket. Her bitten arm was now bare, the scar tissue and fungi exposed.

Ellie picked up the vial with her left hand, twisting the cap off. A sharp, pungent smell wafted up.

 _Last chance to call it quits_ , thought a small, scared part of her.

“Shut up,” she muttered. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. Then – doing it suddenly and quickly – Ellie dumped the acidic contents of the vial onto her infected arm.

The pain consumed her.

***

Kat was the one that found her.

She’d noticed Ellie’s absence almost immediately, as did Jesse and Dina. Kat had managed to catch Joel before he went on his patrol and asked him where Ellie was. He’d told her that Ellie wasn’t feeling well and had decided to stay home. That didn’t worry Kat too much, but she still decided to check up on Ellie.

When Kat saw her sitting on the front porch, she almost called out in greeting. Then she noticed the hunched-over way Ellie was sitting, the way she was cradling her arm. As if she was hurt.

“Ellie!” Kat rushed over. “Are you okay?”

Ellie lifted her head. Her face was streaked with tears, but the expression she wore was a mixture of surprise and suffering. “Kat? What – _fuck –_ what are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you, but that doesn’t matter right now. What happened? How’d you get hurt?”

Slowly, painfully, Ellie stretched out her right arm. “Burned myself,” she said through gritted teeth.

Kat swore. It looked bad. Ellie’s entire forearm was an ugly red, blisters already forming.

“We have to get you to the infirmary.”

Ellie laughed – a hollow sound cut off by a wince of pain. “There’s no one there.”

“We’ll _get_ someone! Come on, Ellie. You’re in a lot of pain.”

Ellie hesitated, then stood up. Every time her arm shifted, hot spikes of pain flared up, making her feel unbalanced. Kat wrapped an arm around Ellie’s shoulders, holding her steady. Together, they headed to the infirmary.

And despite the awful pain, Ellie couldn’t help but feel relieved. Her scar was a simple chemical burn, no longer the bite of an Infected, no longer a constant reminder of what she had to keep hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i considered having dina be the one who finds ellie instead of kat, but seeing as how kat ends up being ellie’s girlfriend at some point, i don’t want to discard her. next chapter will have joel’s reaction to ellie’s action 
> 
> as usual, thanks for reading


	8. Guitar

Since both Joel and Tommy were out on patrol together, Maria was the one who came to check on Ellie.

Kat had taken Ellie to the infirmary first, then went to call someone who could fix her up. A large, dark-skinned man called Charles had come in. He was gentle, covering her burned arm with some sort of ointment and bandaging it loosely.

Maria had come in a little while later. Word travelled quickly in Jackson, especially when you were the one in charge.

Ellie had half-expected her to be angry. Instead, she was concerned, doing everything to make sure Ellie felt fine. She let Kat stay for a bit longer, but then told her to go complete her day’s works.

Once Kat was gone, Ellie began to feel a bit restless. “Can I leave now?” she asked.

Maria frowned, checking Ellie’s bandaged burn for the twentieth time. “Are you sure you’ll be fine? I mean – I still don’t understand how you burned yourself this badly.”

“It’s quite the mystery. But – yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Maria didn’t look entirely convinced, but she sighed and relented. “Alright. Just, be careful. And here,” she handed Ellie a tiny silver jar. “For the burn.”

“Thanks, Maria.” With the jar in her pocket, Ellie slipped off the small infirmary bed she’d been sitting on and walked out. Her arm still hurt like a bitch, but it was tolerable. She began to wonder how Joel would react. Would he be pissed? Would he understand? He’d know that the burn wasn’t accidental – the placement was too convenient.

She doubted she would be able to explain why she did it.

Ellie wasn’t eager about heading back to the house; the thought of being closed in, surrounded by walls, felt too stifling. So she took the path that led to the stables, hoping it would be empty of people. On her way, she stopped by the Big House, grabbed two red apples, and put them in her jacket’s pockets.

As she walked, she realized how weird it felt to have her right arm uncovered. Sure, it was covered in bandages, but her jacket’s sleeve was pushed up past her elbow. Ellie wanted to tug it down, but she’d been told to avoid covering her burn with too many layers.

 _It's fine_ , she told herself. _There’s nothing to hide anymore._

***

The stables weren’t empty.

Oliver was there with – surprisingly – Talia. They were standing in front of Golem’s stall. Golem was a huge, black-coated horse that looked intimidating, but his only dangerous attribute was how he almost knocked people over in his excitement to greet them.

Oliver already had a hand on Golem’s neck. He was trying to convince Talia to reach out and pet Golem. She was smiling a little nervously, but managed to pat Golem’s muzzle.

Ellie didn’t want to draw attention to herself. Unfortunately, she wanted to grab Shimmer and head out to the field behind the stables, so it would be impossible to avoid interactions.

She cleared her throat as she approached Oliver and Talia. They turned to her – Talia jumping a little. Oliver had started to smile in greeting, but his expression turned to concern once he saw Ellie’s bandaged arm.

“Whoa, Ellie. You alright?”

Ellie shrugged, wincing slightly as the motion sent a shock of pain through her arm. “Yeah. Just a dumb burn. Uh, I know I didn’t come in to help today, but I was wondering if I could take Shimmer out?”

“Of course.” Oliver stepped away from Golem’s stall. “And it’s fine – that you didn’t come in today. Everyone takes a break.”

Talia nodded in agreement, then said “Dina’s probably going to want to check on you once she’s free. If you’re not up to it, I can tell her to wait until you feel better.”

Ellie, feeling a bit overwhelmed by how supportive these two were being, began to shake her head, and then paused. She’d have to deal with Joel tonight. She bit her lip. “Yeah. I – I mean I really appreciate it but I don’t think today’s a good time.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Talia sounded like she understood. She didn’t ask any questions.

Oliver, who had disappeared into Shimmer’s stall, popped back into view. “She’s ready for you.” He told Ellie, who thanked him and went to get Shimmer.

Shimmer was already saddled up. She nickered gently when she saw Ellie, pushing her muzzle into Ellie’s shoulder.

“Hey, girl.” Ellie whispered. “You up for a little stroll?”

Shimmer snorted in reply.

Ellie took hold of Shimmer’s reins and led the horse out into the field. It wasn’t a very big space, just large enough to accommodate the horses when they grazed. Since it was only Shimmer and Ellie out here, though, it seemed a lot more spacious.

Ellie swung up onto the saddle.

The next two hours passed by in a blur, Ellie urging Shimmer into a run, taking laps around the field. Her arm had annoyingly kept hurting the whole time.

Once Ellie decided to stop, she steered Shimmer back to her stall and unsaddled her. After making sure that her horse had enough water and hay, she took out one of the apples she’d been carrying. It was a little bruised, but Shimmer ate it all in a single bite once Ellie offered it. The same thing happened to the second apple.

Shimmer pressed her muzzle against Ellie’s hand, looking for more apples. Ellie laughed and gave Shimmer one last pat. “I’ve run out. I’ll bring you more tomorrow, I promise.”

Ellie walked out of the stables. Oliver and Talia were nowhere to be seen. She sighed and looked at the sky. Almost evening. Joel would be back any minute now.

She’d wait for him back at the house.

***

Joel stood outside her door.

He’d gotten back twenty minutes ago. It had been a long patrol. And he had told Tommy the truth.

He wasn’t quite sure why he’d done it. But it had come out – ugly and honest. He was glad he’d been cleaning that guitar as he talked; it made it easier to pretend that his hands weren’t shaking.

Tommy had sworn that he’d take the secret to his grave if he had to. Joel guessed that Tommy would find that easier than he did. Tommy didn’t have to lie awake at night, wondering how Ellie would react when she found out the truth. If she ever would. 

So when they had arrived back at Jackson, just after the sun had set, his nerves already felt frayed. Then Maria had told him that Ellie had burned herself.

_All over her arm. It’ll scar for sure._

Joel asked her which arm Ellie had burned, already guessing the answer.

_Right arm._

Joel didn’t say anything after that. He didn’t think he should mention the fact that Ellie already _had_ a scar on that arm. One that was much worse than a burn. One that could possibly have been the reason the burn happened in the first place.

He headed back home.

And now here he was, in the same place he was this morning. Knocking, and getting no answer.

He didn’t bother declaring that he was coming in as he opened the door. He knew she wouldn’t hear him.

As expected, Ellie too was in the same position as she was this morning – back turned, headphones in. Instead of her journal, though, she was reading.

He stepped forward. She must’ve sensed that he was there, because she turned in her chair before he did anything else. So he stopped, standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.

She was wearing a shirt with short sleeves. Which usually meant that the bite would be visible, unmistakable for anything else. Now, however, the place where the bite used to be was covered in bandages.

Ellie took out her headphones. She looked wary. “Hey.”

“Hey...Maria told me that you got burned.”

“Yeah.”

A silent beat passed. Then he said, “Well. At least that bite is covered up for now.”

She frowned at him. “It’s covered up for _good_.”

She said that with a fierce sort of finality, as if determined to forget she ever had the bite in the first place.

Joel understood.

He decided he wouldn’t press on. He wouldn’t make her explain why she chose today of all days. Why she didn’t tell him beforehand.

He took a deep breath. “Tommy told me how folks are talking about how impressed they are with you and how well you’re helping out.”

Ellie blinked, clearly surprised by the change in topic. “That’s…good.”

“Yeah.” He shifted his weight, looking around. “He also told me, uh, a joke, when we went out riding today, and I thought about you. It’s, um…” He paced a little. “Oh shoot, now I forgot it. It’s something about a clock and how do you –.”

“Joel?” Ellie looked confused, and a little worried. “It’s – it’s alright. You don’t have to…tell me it. The joke.”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling deflated. “Sure, yeah.” He was about to call it quits and leave when a lightbulb went off in his head. “I’ll get out of your hair soon but – I wanna show you something. Just gimme one second.”

He turned and left.

***

Ellie stared at Joel. “What’s this?”

He’d come back to her room, holding a guitar in one hand. In answer to her question, he lifted it and held it with both hands, then said, “Some folks call this thing here a _gee-tar_.”

She rolled her eyes. “Funny.”

“Do you wanna hear something?”

The question caught her off guard. She’d been expecting Joel to lecture – or at least ask – about the burn. Instead he was…doing this. “Okay,” she said, her voice quite.

“Okay,” he said. He walked over to a low, wooden table and sat on it, facing her. “Promise me,” he said, as he tuned the guitar, “that you won’t laugh.”

Ellie felt her mouth curve into a small smile. “I won’t laugh.” Then, a little more serious, “I won’t.”

That seemed good enough for Joel. “I’m trustin’ you,” he told her.

He began to play.

Ellie watched as he strummed the strings, feeling… _delighted_ with the sounds they made.

And then – the last thing she expected – Joel was _singing_.

His voice was gravelly, deep and rough. It was perfectly _him_. It wasn’t beautiful or flawless, but it made her feel…warm. Made her feel like home.

_“If I ever were to lose you_

_I’d surely lose myself_

_Everything I have found here_

_I’ve not found by myself_

_Try and sometimes you’ll succeed_

_To make this man of me_

_All my stolen missing parts_

_I’ve no need for anymore_

_‘Cause I believe_

_And I believe ‘cause I can see_

_Our future days_

_Days of you and me.”_

He played a few more chords. When he finished, he exhaled and looked at her. “There you go.”

Ellie couldn’t help smiling. “Well,” she said, “that didn’t suck.”

It was an understatement, of course.

Joel laughed. “I’ll take what I can get.” He placed a hand on the guitar’s body, then got up and gave it to her. “She’s yours.”

“No. No, no, no, I don’t know the first thing about guitars,” Ellie protested.

Joel cut her off. “I promised that I’d teach you how to play.”

She looked up at him, then at the guitar. “You did.”

He nodded. “So what do you say, tomorrow night. First lesson?”

“Deal.”

“Okay. Okay.” And then he was walking out again.

Ellie spoke up before he could leave. “Did…did you remember the joke?”

He leaned against the doorframe, smiling. “Um…what is the downside to eating a clock?”

She thought about it for a moment, then shrugged, giving up.

“It’s time consuming.”

Ellie couldn’t help snorting. “That’s so dumb.”

“Yeah.” Joel paused, then grabbed her doorknob. “G’night kiddo,” he said as he closed the door.

Ellie sat with the guitar against her chest late into the night. When she opened her journal’s calendar to cross out today, she realised – with a small amount of shock – that her birthday was tomorrow.

***

(As Joel promised, they had their first lesson the next day. It was a little difficult for her to hold the guitar properly with her burned arm, but Ellie thought that that first lesson was one of the best birthday gifts she ever had.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! if you're interested in well written, unique TLOU oneshots please check out AliceinSpace's works !! they're also really sweet !!
> 
> also, i'll be using some scenes from the game itself, but slightly changed to fit my story. some of these scenes are too good to not write. 
> 
> at first i was gonna have ellie and joel talk about what ellie did, then i realized that these two never talk. but joel would try to make ellie feel better, in his joel ways. 
> 
> thank you for reading


	9. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this year is so Hectic also this whole chapter is literally. filler fluff. thats it. thats the chapter.

**_i. June_ **

Ellie was _not_ scared.

She had faced countless horrors. Had stared Infected right in the face. Journeyed across the _entire_ fucking country.

So no, the reason behind her hesitation to get in the water was not fear. She was simply being cautious, because that’s just how she was.

“You know I can’t teach you how to swim if you’re gonna stay on dry land.” Joel called out from where he was – already waist deep in the water, his shirt soaked.

It was, of course, _his_ idea to teach her how to swim. He’d come across a huge lake during one of his patrols. It wasn’t too far from Jackson, so he had secured the area with a few others. Once the weather turned warmer, he started bringing Ellie out on these swimming lessons. They also occasionally brought the guitar.

They’ve only had a handful of them, though. And Ellie still couldn’t grasp how on earth she was supposed to _not_ sink like a rock.

“Coming!” she calls back, waddling in. By the time she reaches Joel, the water is almost up to her neck.

“Alright,” he says, “let’s pick up where we left off.”

“We left off at me drowning.”

“You weren’t drownin’.”

“I could taste lake water for _days_ afterwards, Joel.”

He rolls his eyes at her dramatics. “C’mon. On your back.”

Despite Joel’s best efforts, Ellie struggles to stay afloat for more than a few seconds at a time. She _does_ manage to get the concept of how she should move in the water if she could swim. At some point, something (most likely a fish) brushes against her ankle, startling her badly enough that she falls backwards into the water, coming up gasping and cursing.

They spend two hours out in the water, and then Joel calls it quits. The sun is still somewhat high in the sky, so instead of immediately heading back to Jackson, they sit under the shade of the trees, and unwrap their small lunches, eating in familiar silence. Once that’s done, Joel picks up her guitar. Some days, he teaches her a few new things. Others – like this one – he plays it himself, strumming half-remembered songs and quietly singing.

And even though Ellie never says it, never tells Joel, she loves these precious hours where the two of them can pretend like they’re normal people in a normal world, on a normal day.

_**ii. July** _

“The way you fill in a sketch in changes its form and depth. Like this, look.”

Ellie leans towards Kat, who has a sketchbook open in front of her. There’s a pencil-drawing of a bunch of circles, all of them looking slightly different from each other.

Kat had invited her over to her house this evening. After Ellie had shaken hands with Kat’s dad, the two had gone upstairs. Kat had led her to a room filled with papers and colors, and Ellie had immediately loved it.

“How’d you know I liked drawing?” she’d asked.

Kat had smiled. “Kinda noticed how you’re always sketching in that notebook of yours.”

And now, here they were. Sitting on the floor with dozens of papers and pencils strewn around them. Kat had been impressed with Ellie’s drawings, but Ellie felt like they were nothing more than stick figures when compared to the art Kat and her dad were able to create.

“I like how this one looks.” Ellie says, pointing at the circle in the middle.

“My dad says that technique is called cross-hatching. This one, here, that’s just hatching.”

Ellie grins. “Hey Kat, what happened to the hatching when it got mad?”

“Seriously?”

“It became a _cross_ -hatching.”

“That’s so _stupid_.” Kat declares, but she’s also laughing. It makes Ellie feel – nice. Like she’d accomplished something.

Kat keeps inviting her over. Ellie’s art gets better, and her jokes get worse.

 ** _iii_**. **_August_**

Sitting on the roof, Ellie decided, was underrated.

She’s currently lying down on the roof of Dina’s house. Dina had dragged her there, and was now beside her. Today had been hot, the heat making everyone lazy. Only a few Jackson residents – Jesse included – have done their chores, while the rest lounged in the shade and ate orange slices.

Ellie stares at the sky. The last few months in Jackson have passed by in a blur, and yet they were also too slow. Her days have become made up of simple routines. She had become acquainted with everyone in Jackson. The only disruption that ever happened were the occasional bandits, or occasional newcomers.

There is a sense of safety trying to wrap itself around her, but she doesn’t feel comfortable with it yet. She can’t help but feel like this is all temporary, that her real life was the one where she fought for her life.

Dina stretches out a hand and flicks Ellie.

“Ow! What was _that_ for?” Ellie exclaims.

“You were thinking too hard. I could tell. It was interrupting my vibes.”

 _“Fuck_ your vibes.”

“Can’t. They’re intangible.”

Ellie laughs. Dina is the only person who can make jokes almost as bad as hers.

“So,” Dina turns on her side, faces Ellie. “Wanna share what’s running up there?” She points at her head.

Ellie shrugs. “Nothing much.”

“Ah, I see. You’re going for the mysterious, brooding vibe.”

“Yep. You got me all figured out.”

Dina snorts. “I doubt _anyone’s_ got you figured out. Maybe except for – what’s his name – Joel?”

“Eh. I honestly can’t tell you what he’s figured out.”

“Fair enough. How’re your swimming lessons, though?”

“They’re – they’re fine.” Ellie turns her face back towards the sky.

“You still can’t float?”

“Oh, just because _you’ve_ known how to swim for years –.”

“I have, actually.” Dina suddenly sits up. “Oh my God, Ellie, I have a _perfect_ idea.”

“Your ideas are never perfect.”

“ _I’ll_ teach you how to swim.”

“Called it. Isn’t perfect.”

Dina looks at her, annoyed. “You’re saying that just ‘cause you’re scared.”

Ellie _bolts_ up. “I am _not_ scared. You better take that back.”

“I’ll only take it back if you come with me to the lake right now and prove that you aren’t scared.”

“I’m _not_ scared and I’m _not_ sneaking out, either.”

“Oh, please. You know going to the lake is fine. They’ve been securing it for more than a month now. It’s got fences and everything.”

Ellie glares at Dina, who stares right back. Finally, Ellie breaks. “You’re _so_ annoying.”

“That’s right, I _am_ the best. Come on, I’ll race you there!”

Before Ellie could say anything else, Dina runs over to the edge of the roof and jumps off. The roof isn’t very far from the ground, but it’s still a considerable distance. Dina, however, lands in a roll, standing up and taking off.

“That’s cheating!” Ellie yells, following her friend.

***

They arrive at the lake breathless and winded. Their race had involved a lot of pushing and swearing, but they’d arrived at roughly the same time.

Dina sits down, gasping. “I totally…won…that.”

Ellie joins her. “In…your… _dreams_.”

They don’t argue further, focusing on getting their breath back. Once Dina does that, she gets up, kicking off her shoes, then her pants.

Ellie looks away, blushing.

“Well, are you joining me, or not?” Dina asks.

“In a bit.”

“Suit yourself.”

Dina walks over to the water. She walks until the water reaches her chest, then swims in deeper.

Ellie leans back on her arms, lost in thought again. She doesn’t really feel like ‘swimming’ today. Maybe Dina will let it go. Maybe –.

_“Ellie!”_

Ellie jumps up, her hand immediately going towards her switchblade. She can’t see any immediate danger, but Dina’s flailing around, calling for help.

 _“_ Ellie, my leg! It’s cramped – I can’t swim!”

Ellie swears. Joel had told her of the dangers of cramped muscles while swimming.

Without thinking, she runs into the lake. Dina’s in the deeper end, but Ellie’s so focused on getting to her she doesn’t process the fact that she has no solid ground under her legs anymore.

She reaches Dina and wraps her arms around her. “Dina? I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Dina’s shoulders are shaking, and at first Ellie thinks it’s because she’s scared. Then it hits her that Dina’s _laughing_.

“What’s – what’s so funny? You could’ve _drowned_.”

Dina shakes her head, still laughing. “I’m _fine_. But I _did_ just teach you how to swim.”

Ellie blinks, realizes that yes, she’s floating. “You were _faking_?”

“Yeah, but tell me that wasn’t the smartest – whoa!”

The last part of Dina’s sentence is cut off by Ellie, who’s trying to shove her under. “You’re such a dick!”

Dina slips out of Ellie’s hold, grinning. “Careful, Ellie. You might get a cramp.”

“I’ll _give_ you a cramp!”

They splash around for a few hours, trying to drown each other. Part of Ellie _is_ grateful that Dina managed to help her figure out how to float. And when they stumble out of the lake, laughing and soaked, Dina’s holding her hand. She holds her hand all the way back to Jackson, not letting go.

And Ellie thinks that maybe, just maybe, that sense of safety isn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (dina knew ellie was thinking too hard because she was staring yes theyve been in love for years)


	10. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this feels like my weakest chapter (ironically it's also my longest) so far tbh (the way i can write 1000 words of nothing happening is a wonder) & i apologize about that. life's been a roller coaster - not a fun one. on the bright side! the next chapter is one i've been looking forward to writing since the start of this fic, so!  
> !!drug use warning!! not explicit at all, just mentions of weed and getting high
> 
> fun fact: some of these scenes are based on ellie's journal entries!! & i've been spelling kat's name wrong (apparently it's cat)!! the more you know🌈

**_i. September_ **

“This is fucking disgusting.”

Ellie tried not to gag as she shoveled fertilizer onto the freshly-tilled soil. Somewhere to her left, she heard Jesse chuckle.

“You can stomach blowing up the brains of Infected, but not fertilizer?”

“Call it _fertilizer_ all you want. At the end of the day, it’s still nothing but a literal pile of shit.”

Jesse shrugged, continuing his own shoveling.

Truth be told, Ellie did actually prefer blowing up Infected brains. Farming rotation sucked, in her opinion. It was boring, exhausting, and _disgusting._ She’d avoided asking where they even got fertilizer from, fearing that the answer would put her off working with it ever again.

Caught up in her thoughts, Ellie unconsciously added a little more force than was necessary when bringing her shovel down. The muck splattered when it hit the ground, some of it getting on Ellie.

“Oh, for _fuck’s_ sake!” Ellie swore, dropping her shovel and stepping away from the mess, torn between wanting to wipe the fertilizer off and not wanting to smear it any further. 

Jesse, the _bastard_ , was laughing his ass off. Once he caught his breath, he said, “You okay?”

Ellie glared at him. “Other than the fact that I’m covered in shit? Yeah, peachy.” She wiped her arm on her shirt, deciding to just throw it out later. “Ugh, that’s it. I’m ditching this joint.”

Jesse looked at her warily. “Dina’s influence is bad on you.”

“Whatever. I’m done with scoopin’ poop. I’m gonna ask Maria if I can go on patrols instead.”

“Are you doing that before or after getting cleaned up? No offense, but this look isn’t working for you.”

“Ha-ha, very funny, Jesse.”

***

After taking a _long_ shower, Ellie headed out to find Maria. She asked around for her, and was pointed to the Big House. On the way there, Ellie realized that some of Jackson's older residents seemed more withdrawn than usual, wearing expressions that varied from sadness to regret.

This bothered Ellie. If something had happened, wouldn’t she had heard about it by now?

 _Maybe Joel will know what’s up_. She made a mental note to ask him later.

Opening the doors of the Big House, Ellie looked around. Maria was standing in front of a few boxes, notebook in hand. Tommy was there, too. They were caught up in conversation together.

Ellie walked up to the couple, interrupting. "Hey. Uh, Maria? Can I talk to you?”

They both turned to her.

“Sure.” Maria said. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering – instead of farm rotation, d’you think I can do patrols?”

Maria raised her eyebrows.

“You ain’t old enough,” Tommy answered for her.

“I know, but can’t you guys, like, make an exception?”

Tommy and Maria exchanged knowing glances, seeming to decide on something silently.

“Well,” Maria finally declared, “we can’t have you heading out on patrols by yourself, that’s for sure. But we do have patrol training. A couple of other teens have signed up for it, too. It’s the same thing as regular patrols, except you have to be accompanied by someone experienced, and stick to the mostly safe routes. What do you think?”

Ellie already loved it more than farming rotation. “I’ll do it. Sign me up.”

Tommy raised his hand in a _wait-a-minute_ gesture. “Before anything, you’ve gotta get Joel’s approval. He won’t be happy about this if you don’t tell him yourself.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell him.”

“Alright, good.”

“Thanks, guys.” Just as Ellie was about to walk away, she paused. “Hey, Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’s everyone so…glum?”

Another exchange of glances. Tommy seemed to be at loss for words for a minute, then said, “Well, it’s September.”

“And…?”

“And that’s when this whole outbreak happened. Nineteen, twenty years ago. I guess folks get reminded of the sorrow they had to face. How it all started out, and all that.”

“Oh.” Ellie blinked. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, well – now you do.”

Ellie nodded, then walked away, hands in her pockets.

***

“Joel?”

“Hm.”

“I’m signing up for patrol training.”

He looked up at her.

She’d found him working in one of the carpenting stations. His newest hobby was trying to create guitar bodies. They weren’t perfect – not yet – but Ellie could tell that he enjoyed it nonetheless.

“What’re you doin’ that for?”

Ellie shrugged, fidgeting with a discarded piece of wood. “I’m doing it instead of farming rotation.”

“Well – what’s wrong with farming rotation?”

“Uh, I don’t see _you_ volunteering for it.”

He sighed, caught in a corner. “Okay, you got me. But we’ll go on those patrols together.”

“That’s sort of the whole point of training patrols.”

“True.”

They grew quite again. Ellie watched the way he worked – with steady, careful hands. The same hands that had been steady when they killed.

“I asked Tommy about something today,” she started.

“What about?”

“About why some people were being a little off. And he told me that the outbreak happened in September. Is that true?”

Joel stilled, caught off guard. “…Yeah. Yeah, it’s true.”

“Huh. It’s weird that there are some people who remember how it was like before.”

“Guess it is.”

“Joel?”

“What?”

“You okay?”

Another heavy sigh. “Sure am, kiddo. It just happens that September ain’t my favorite month, either.”

“That makes sense.”

He stayed silent for a few moments, as if debating with himself whether or not he should say anything. Finally, he said, “You know…it was my birthday.”

“What was?”

“The day it all went to hell. The day Sarah…” He let the sentence linger in the air, heavy and painful.

“Oh.” Ellie said in a small voice. “That…that’s awful, Joel. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Joel cleared his throat. “But that’s that. I spent a long time…battling with it. Feeling guilty. Like it was my own goddamn fault. I still struggle with it – with everything. But…I’m trying, Ellie. I’m trying real damn hard, and that counts for something, don’t it?”

Ellie, feeling stunned with the sudden vulnerability Joel had shown her, managed to reply, “It does.”

He nodded, then went back to working.

“Joel.”

“Yeah, kid?”

“For what it’s worth…I’m trying, too.”

He smiled at her – a sad, real smile. “That’s worth a lot. More than you know.”

**_ii. October_ **

By the time the leaves turned from bright, wild green into different shades of red, yellow, and orange, Ellie had not only gone on a dozen (albeit accompanied) patrols, but had also managed to convince Dina and Jesse into signing up, too. Kat would’ve joined, but she said she liked her schedule the way it was already.

Today, she had a morning patrol scheduled with Dina and Eugene Linden – an old, eccentric resident of Jackson. He was fun, which was a good thing, because he volunteered for most of the training patrols.

Usually, Ellie went with Joel (and Jesse, too). But on the days in which his patrols were too far and dangerous, Dina and Eugene weren’t a bad replacement. 

She’d woken up a little too late, which meant that she was scrambling to get to Dina’s house on time, which meant that she had to skip out on breakfast, which put her in a bad mood.

Apparently, moods weren’t any better in Dina’s household. Ellie could hear the two sisters bickering before she even saw them.

“I was just _saying_ –.”

“I _know_ what you were saying, Dina, and I don’t appreciate it!”

“Come _on_ Talia! You’re being sensitive.”

“ _Don’t_ call me sensitive!”

Ellie turned the corner, seeing Eugene sitting on the front stairs and carving a piece of wood. He nodded at her when he saw her coming, ignoring the argument going behind him.

“Good. You’re finally here.” He stood up and clapped his hands. “Alright! Talia, Dina, your constant yelling has been music to my ears, but alas! I must make you part.”

The sisters stopped arguing. Dina started to walk away, but Talia grabbed her arm.

“What _now_?” Dina exclaimed.

“Be careful out there.” Talia still looked mad, but her tone was gentle.

Dina’s glare softened. “Always am.”

Talia let go, and Dina made her way next to Ellie. Eugene wasted no time, immediately setting off in the direction of the gates, Ellie and Dina walking behind him.

“What was that all about?” Ellie asked.

Dina rolled her eyes. “Later.”

At the gates, three horses were already prepared. And as usual, one of them was Shimmer.

“Hey, girl.” Ellie patted her horse. “Did you miss me? Yes, you did, you beautiful horse.”

Dina had already gotten on Japan – _her_ designated horse. “Yo Ellie, are you coming, or are you gonna flirt with your horse all day?”

Ellie punched Dina’s leg lightly. “You’re just jealous.”

Eventually, the three of them had gotten on the horses and on their way. Eugene, leading the way, suddenly declared, “I’m takin’ you girls to a new place today. Little surprise.”

Ellie glanced at Dina. “Huh. Did you know about this?”

Dina shook her head. “Nope.”

Eugene didn’t offer up any hints about his surprise place, talking instead about the types of birds that he saw around Jackson. Ellie half-listened. She watched Dina from the corner of her eye.

Sure, she was close with Jesse and Kat. In a way, there were things she did with them that she never did with Dina. But with _Dina_ …it was just – different, somehow. Ellie couldn’t put her finger on it.

“See something you like?” Ellie could _hear_ Dina smirking as she said that.

“Yeah. I think Japan looks mighty fine today.” Ellie said, putting on her best Joel impression.

Dina snorted, dissolving into a fit of laughter. “You’re so weird, Ellie.”

Before Ellie could think of a smart retort, Eugene stopped at a sudden clearing.

“Well, girls. There you are.”

Ellie pulled Shimmer’s reins, stopping to look at the surprise.

It was…dozens upon dozens of…cabins?

“What is this place?” Ellie asked.

“This here used to be a summer camp.” Eugene said.

“Wait, seriously?” Dina exclaimed. “Hey, Talia told me about these! She said they were, like, these places kids used to go to in the summer for fun. I bet there’s all sorts of cool junk in there.”

Eugene nodded. “You’re right about that. I’ve swept the area, got rid of all those pesky Infected. Left all the junk for you two to dig through.”

Dina was grinning. “Man, Eugene, you’re the coolest.”

“My temperature happens to be regular, young lady.”

Dina laughed, slipping off Japan and handing the reins to Eugene. “Come on, Ellie!”

Ellie – now also grinning – did the same. She was half aware of Eugene leading the horses away.

The next few hours were filled with Ellie and Dina running around from cabin to cabin and field to field. They find:

  * Old archery equipment. Most of them were broken beyond use, but they managed to turn up one decent bow and three mostly intact arrows. Ellie finds she is still great with bow. Dina finds this extremely cool.
  * An instrument that looked exactly like a guitar, except much smaller. They both think it’s the cutest thing ever. Ellie slips it into her bag, planning to ask Joel about it.
  * And Ellie’s personal favorite: a cabin filled to the brim with art supplies.



There, they got sidetracked. Dina had found a stack of colored paper and scissors, and announced that she was going to make them both crowns.

“I’ll be the queen and you’ll be the king,” she’d told Ellie.

As Dina had worked, a light drizzle started outside.

“D’you think Eugene’s fine?” Ellie asked lazily.

“Yeah. Last I saw him, he was sitting in a cabin with the horses and smoking.”

“Smoking what?”

“C’mon, you know Eugene. Smoking pot.”

Ellie giggled. “Kat would’ve liked this place, you know.”

Dina rolled her eyes. “Kat’s an art nerd. It’s lame.”

“Hey,” Ellie protested. “ _I’m_ an art nerd.”

“Nah. You’re, like, way too cool to be a nerd. You’re a king.”

Despite herself, Ellie felt a blush creep onto her face. _Dina thinks I’m cool._

She watched Dina cutting up the paper, feeling strangely at peace. Dina must’ve noticed Ellie staring, but she didn’t say anything. 

A while later, the crowns were done. Blue for Ellie, and yellow for Dina. They put them on and smiled at each other.

“Today was nice.” Ellie whispered.

“Yeah.” Dina’s eyes were shining. Ellie had a sudden urge to draw them.

Dina looked away, and Ellie felt a mixture of relief and disappointment.

“Talia’s gonna start patrolling.” Dina said.

“Seriously? She didn’t strike me as someone who’s into patrols.”

“She isn’t, that’s the thing. But that stable guy – what’s his name? Olive?”

Ellie snorted. _“Oliver.”_

“Yeah, him. He talked her into it. Said it would be fun.”

“Is this what you guys were fighting about?”

Dina sighed. “Yeah. I just – she’s the only family I have left, you know? I can’t lose her.”

“Yeah. I get what you mean.”

Dina didn’t say anything in answer to that. Instead, she took Ellie’s hand.

“Hey.” Ellie said. “It’ll be okay. Oliver’s a good guy.”

“Definitely not good with planning romantic dates though. Like, patrols? Seriously?”

“Patrols could be fun. Look at us. This is fun.”

Dina smiled, then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Ellie. “Yeah, it is.” She pulled back, oblivious to Ellie’s now-racing heart. “C’mon. Let’s head back.”

Ellie nodded. “Okay.”

**_iii. November_ **

Ellie lay awake in bed, too anxious to sleep. The weather was getting colder. And she couldn’t stop thinking about where she’d been this time last year.

Joel falling.

His wound – ugly and open and bleeding.

All those weeks alone. Scared but unstopping. Angry. Worried. Tired.

Jackson was safe. She knew that.

But as the nights got longer and sleep grew more elusive, that sense of false safety returned. That sense of Jackson being temporary – everything and everyone in it.

Just when her thoughts were becoming too overwhelming, too stifling, she heard a faint _tap._

For a moment, she wondered if she’d imagined it. Then it came again; _tap, tap, tap_.

Ellie got up and walked towards her window, switchblade in hand. She pulled back the curtain, opened her window, and saw…

Dina. Standing under her window with what looked like a handful of small rocks. With Jesse standing off to the side. At two in the morning.

“Ellie!” Dina half-whispered, half-yelled. “You’re awake! Good. Come down here!”

Ellie stared. “Are you serious?”

“Come on, El’.”

The nickname caught Ellie off guard, and she almost slipped out the window. She swallowed. “Okay, okay fine. Just – give me a few minutes. To get dressed.”

_And write Joel a note._

Ellie slipped on a jacket and her trademark canvas sneakers. She sneaked downstairs, avoiding making any noise as to not disturb Joel. Because – again – it was two in the morning.

She got out the front door, and jogged over to where Dina and Jesse were.

“What the fuck is going on?” Ellie asked.

Dina grinned, mischief gleaming in her eyes. “Check out what I swiped from Eugene’s coat when he wasn’t looking.” She held up what Ellie assumed was a pair of sticks, until she caught a familiar whiff.

“You stole his _joints_?”

“I can’t believe it either.” Jesse said. “That man loves his weed more than anything.”

“He’ll be fine.” Dina protested. “He always has some on him. Pretty sure two missing joints won’t hurt the guy.”

Ellie shook her head, still confused. “So, what? Are we gonna smoke them?”

“Duh. We’ll go over to my house, sneak up to the roof. It’ll be awesome.”

Ellie looked at Jesse. “You down?”

He shrugged. “Sure. We can sleep it off.”

“What about Kat? Are we gonna get her?”

For a moment so brief Ellie almost missed it, Dina looked annoyed. Then her relaxed smile returned. “Nah. Just the three of us. Three is a nice number.”

“O- _kay_.” Ellie said, still a little unsure. “Well, let’s go then. Before the sun rises.”

Dina’s smile turned happier. She linked her left arm with Ellie’s, and her right with Jesse’s.

The anxious thoughts that had consumed Ellie for the last dozen nights began to fade away, and by the time the three of them had gotten high, they’d completely disappeared.

(Of course, good nights never last – Talia found them asleep on the roof the next day. They got an earful about _responsibility_ and _growing up._ But even that couldn’t dampen Ellie’s spirits, because Dina had kept whispering jokes under her breath and Jesse had looked so fucking serious it was funny.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact 2: i was supposed to upload this yesterday but passed out immediately after writing the last paragraph & i think u can tell that by the way i end things


End file.
